Happiness.

I am desperate to be happy.

But then I think, well hang on, I’m not that unhappy? I’m just… unsatisfied.

I’m so bored of desperately feeling unhappy and unsatisfied, acknowledging that I don’t want to feel that way, trying to find endless solutions to awkward problems that don’t seem to actually have an answer and moaning about such situation. That continuos vicious circle rears its ugly head yet again.

Books on my shelf…

• ‘Pretty Happy’ – Kate Hudson.
• ‘Happy’ – Fearne Cotton.
• ‘Reasons to stay alive’ – Matt Haig.
• ‘This book will make you happy’ – Dr Jessamy Hibberd & Jo Usmar
• ‘You are a badass’ – Jen Sincero.
• ‘The Pursuit of Happiness’ – Ruth Whippman’

So I love a little self help book. Or I love the idea of a little self help book solving all my problems. I’ve read a few of these and whilst some of them are relatable, I don’t feel I know anything that I didn’t know before.

Happiness is something only you can control. Only you can control your life, make decisions. If you aren’t happy, do something about it, life is too short.

Right, okay. Like it is THAT easy.

I’m so desperate to hear something refreshing about how to change your life. My family are probably as sick of hearing about the same issues as I am of thinking about them. My job is boring, I’m so tired from the commute and my degree is down the pan. So what is the solution? Get a new job? To me, ‘get a new job’ means…

• Actually find a job that I am interested in and want to do.
• Find a job that I feel like I could actually do.
• Find somewhere that I can commute to as I STILL cannot drive.
• Find somewhere that isn’t about 600 million miles away from my boyfriend.
• Actually have enough/the right experience for said job.
• Feel inadequate.
• Consider leaving comfort of knowing the people I currently work with to starting a job with a whole load of new people.
• Have the confidence to apply for said job.
• Be offered an interview.
• Interview prep/nerves/self doubt/meltdown.
• Question whether I even really want the job.
• Actually get through interview.
• Potentially be offered job.

Maybe I’m just full of excuses all the time, I don’t know. A job takes up so much of your week – life even, and seriously affects my mood. It clouds my thoughts probably 80% of each day.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that for once I wish there was just a simpler solution for working towards finding your own happiness. Here I am again with my little violin feeling sorry for myself, but honestly I do wish things could be a little easier at times.

Rant over.

There is one thing I have recently started to try and bring myself little bits of joy into the day. Have you ever heard of Happiness Is….

Make sure you take a look because I absolutely love seeing these on my timeline, particularly the ones that are relatable and make you appreciate the little things. I started my own list…

Happiness is….

• A hot lunch at home on a rainy day.
• Good timing.
• The sun rising on a frosty morning.
• A nice lunch to look forward to at work.
• The sound of birds on an early morning walk.
• The feeling of ‘blowing away the cobwebs’.
• When the bus driver tells you to have a nice day.
• Waking up to the sun already shining.
• The smell of a bakery.
• Blossom on trees.

Sparked any thoughts of your own of what makes you happy? Share them with me – I would genuinely love to hear them!

Here is to another week. I’ve already failed at Monday as I’m heading back to the dentist with an infected wisdom tooth. Someone also threw up in front of me today. Loving life.

V 🙂