Starting at the Beginning.

Hello, My name is Vikki and I have an anxiety disorder.

After long and careful consideration, I decided that was the best opening line. Then I stopped to eat biscuits. I have been wanting to start a blog for a long time with a lot of things to say and now I finally have, I don’t know what to say. It’s probably best to start at the beginning.

It was around Summer 2011 where I found myself revising for the exams of my first year of A-levels, when I suddenly started feeling very, very sick. I stopped writing my Geography notes and tried to eat some chicken soup for lunch, the go-to for when you’re poorly sick. But I couldn’t eat it. I couldn’t shake this feeling. Since then, things haven’t ever been the same. From there, my hazy memory recalls sleepless nights, not being able to eat and fear of what each day held. Before I knew it, I was suffering with crippling anxiety which often left me too scared to leave the house. Each day became a battle with my own mind.

From a young age, I have always had Emetophobia – a fear of vomiting and seeing/being around others who are sick. When I was younger I was unaware it was a genuine phobia, but I knew I hated it and I knew I was scared. Even school trips would fill me with dread incase somebody suffered with travel sickness, my little heart pounding with fear. As I grew older, I realised it was actually a ‘real’ phobia and only recently have I learnt it’s quite common. Sometimes it’s been hard to explain and quite frankly embarrassing, but it’s just something I’ve learnt to deal with. Yet little did I ever think this phobia would end up taking over my life, making me overly analytical of how well cooked my food is, using antibacterial hand gel like my life depends on it and freaking out at the hint of a stomach ache.

Despite my lowest points and rollercoaster ride through the last 4 years of my life, I’m still here and ready to tell my story. I’m using this blog not only to help myself, but to help others as I think it is so important to feel supported, as well as challenging the stigma which surrounds mental health. I’d love to hear from you.

Apart from my anxiety, I am crawling through to the end of my final year of university studying photography, lover of Wolverhampton Wanderers, Emmerdale, music of contradicting genres, eating unhealthily, spending unnecessary amounts of money on shoes and spending time with my wonderful family and boyfriend, about to attempt to teach myself to play the violin and learn to drive…. and get a job of course.

V 🙂

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6 thoughts on “Starting at the Beginning.

  1. Hi there! You sound very similar to me! I’d always had anxiety a bit but never to the point where it controlled my life…but during my A Levels everything went to pot…it turned into agoraphobia and i have emetophobia too which is sort of what leads it all! I hope things are getting better for you! I’ve just finished uni too (crawled is an accurate description for how i went through too) and am learning to drive at the moment! Look forward to seeing more of your posts! Xx

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    1. Hi Jess! Thanks for getting in touch, it’s so nice to hear from someone who understands what it’s like to have emetophobia, although I’m sorry you suffer with it too! Haha hope you are managing well and good luck with learning to drive, I’m petrified! Xx

      Like

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